"Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tag: breast cancer

Surprise trip… Jesus take the wheel!

Mondays are generally sucky.  I think we all can agree on that point.  It’s a day we just all kind of endure but no one enjoys it.  This past Monday was set to be that way for me,  another ENDURING Monday for the books. But at 2:30 p.m. I received an unexpected text.  

“Hey, I found tickets to Carrie Underwood tonight.  Want to go with me?”

The ride or die friend in me thought “Heck yes I want to go!” However, the mom who knew that her teenage kids were at home nursing a stomach bug just couldn’t jump in without checking the waters at home.  So a few quick texts to the kids and then to my hubby, and getting a “Go girl” response, I was off to the races… On a Monday no doubt.  No planning even.  Who IS this person????

I sped home from work at 5pm, made a record 5 minute change of clothes and quick lip gloss application, and I was off to pick up my friend!  We listened to Crime Junkies podcast and chatted the whole way to the concert.  It was so unMonday.  We also didn’t talk about anything medical or even say the Cancer word.  Honestly, this is the one friend that didn’t know yet. We just had fun.

The Cry Pretty concert was amazing.  I remember voting for Carrie Underwood back in the American Idol days of yore! I have always loved her.  She is really so authentic and I think she is who she portrays.  No doubt she will be remembered as one of the greats when it is all said and done.  Her voice was on point.  But, I swear, when she sang Temporary Home and Jesus Take the Wheel, I almost bawled.  I guess thinking about life and death with everything that’s been going on has made those songs have so much more meaning.  

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The calm before the storm

Dorian off the coast of South Carolina

There are two storms brewing in my life today. One is a hurricane named Dorian that is set to impact my area in a matter of hours. The second is the diagnosis of breast cancer that I received yesterday. I mentioned that I had two biopsies done last week and I needed a distraction last weekend. This was the answer I wanted a distraction from. I needed the distraction because I knew the answer already.

For me, the biopsy was just the next step in the process of what was to come. I wasn’t being a victim. I wasn’t being defeatist. I wasn’t showing a lack of faith. I just knew. Like you know when you are pregnant before you confirm it. No one in my life that has been aware of the testing that I’ve been undergoing wanted to hear me say that I knew it was cancer during these 3 weeks that I’ve known. So I have been doing my researching, planning, mourning and peacemaking on my own. Preparing to walk my tribe through this journey. So now, it’s out there. Everybody knows and its not just me knowing anymore.

Now the journey begins. I pray that I will walk it with grace and dignity. That I will be an example to my kids (most especially my daughter). That I will know how to communicate my needs effectively to my husband. That I will show love when I am frustrated, patience when I am in pain, and gratitude in all of it.

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